I have now been single for a while. The more experiences I have in dating as an adult the more I begin to examine the many different sides of human nature and different aspects of people in general. I believe that I am a relatively normal person, I want what we all want at some point in our lives, true love. For something that holds so much value in this world, it is so hard to attain and maintain. I do believe I have loved in my life, but maybe not been loved the same in return.
When I was a kid, it was so easy. You like me I like you,
"lets go out". Seems so silly and funny now, but it was that simple. Now people have to add in all kinds of other factors that complicate that general attraction to another person. We all have baggage from the past at this point in my life, or issues that people try to fill the void with another person to correct the internal battles that they are too scared to face. I have also experienced people who are desperate, so desperate for that feeling of love they over do it and scare others away. Also there are those who put on a good face at first to hide their true selves, or play games with other people due to their past and being hurt or run over by love in the past. I could easily be one of those people, been hurt by pretty much everyone I ever trusted with my heart. So why risk it again? Why take the chance of being betrayed or heart broken every again? This is my internal struggle. I am absolutely OK with my life and where I am going, but that doesn't mean that I don't desire intimacy with another human being.
I am really taking a look at how we date in this century and why we want to make something that should be so easy, so complicated and hard.
First expectations play a large role in the problem with dating today. We as humans tend to repeat history. In turn for example, if you expected someone to give you more or the same attention you received in a previous relationship, you are in turn dooming the new relationship. We are all different, no two people are exactly alike. So why is it OK to hold someone else's traits or bad habits to someone new? Its not OK, but I think as humans we do it out of habit, without even realizing it until its too late, or its caused a problem in the new relationship. I know I have done this myself. I held every other guy to a new relationship and in turn sabotaged myself and hurt a good guy. I have come to realize that there should be no expectations. If there is a connection between two people, let it be what it is. Let nature takes it course, don't force feelings or emotions, don't try to make someone into your ideal match accept them for who they are. If we as women could just do that with a mutual understanding with the opposite sex, then we would truly be happy and be able to have a lasting relationship.
Second I think we have been conditioned. Some of the reason we are doomed as a society at relationships is due to the examples given since we were very young. As a little girl we idolize princesses like Cinderella, Snow white, Sleeping Beauty, etc. So what do we expect Prince Charming to come riding in on his horse to save the day. That is not reality. Even if you think that is what you have, it fades, it doesn't last. People change and the honeymoon phase fades into bills, kids, stress, money, normal everyday life. I would rather have something that lasts, conversation, time, memories than fleeting feelings of love, or bliss. A enduring love, that is not always easy, you have to fight to keep it alive, and truly have unconditional love.
That is where we go wrong, we make love conditional. Will love you as long as you treat me good, as long as I am taken care, as long as you do what I want when I want, as long as it is easy. Once love gets hard people give up so easily. I for one believe that kind of love is worth fighting for and hopefully I will have that one day.