Monday, July 23, 2012

Rediscovering Myself

Recently I have realized that over the last 30 years, the situations, experiences, and trauma of life began to change who I was. At some points I didn't even recognize the reflection in the mirror. Everyone plays so many different roles in life. I am a Daughter, Mother, Sister, Friend, Wife(at one time), Co-worker, Granddaughter and the list goes on. Depending on the time in our lives depends on which role is the most prevalent role. Most of the time I tried to form myself to whoever I was trying to please at the time, which is something most of us do at some point or another. It just seemed the more I did that the more I lost sight of my true self.
Then I began to examine what makes me me. What traits and interests, make up Amber. I had to dig pretty deep for that, a lot of what some call soul searching. First two things that came to me are that I am a writer at heart, and I believe I was put on this earth to help others in someway. My problem is that I try to save the world and I know that is pretty much impossible. I am also stubborn, I like to get my way and I like to be right. I think I have always been that way since I was a child even. Now being a mom I have learned that can be a bad trait because my daughter is that way too. As a young woman I was very self centered, not patient at all. Then once I became a mom at the age of 24 that all changed.
So in conclusion what makes up Amber: 1) Loyal (never cheated, never betrayed a friendship) 2) Compassionate ( Care for others more than myself) 3) Vain ( have to admit I have always been vain, like to make sure I am putting on my best face) 4) Dreamer ( love to write, do art, sing, express myself in alternate ways) 5) Strong ( Take care of business, never liked to depend on anyone else) 6) Hard working ( always go for the goal and put in 110%) 7) Feisty ( Been told that I am feisty, I guess that means I can be a little animated when I believe in something) Also the Italian side of me I can have a temper. 8) Clumsy ( I tend to trip, fall, slip a lot, I like to try to do things that people say I can't which sometimes can get me 9.) Silly ( I like to be silly and just have fun, even though not many people have seen that side of me because I have to fully trust to feel free enough to be that person.) 10.) Faith ( I have blind faith, no matter what I know  that the love of god has been there for me and helped me through so many hard times in my life).
Don't get me wrong, I have bad traits too, I am not perfect by any means. I just am glad I know what makes me Amber. Finally I am free to be myself, not worry about what others say or think. Not allow anyone to determine my value other than me and god. Took me a long time to figure this out, but I hope I can teach that to my daughter. Show her how to be strong and independent. Show her what unconditional love is, because that is what she has shown me.
Now at this point in my life, it's finally time to be me, love myself, do things I enjoy, share those things with my daughter and anyone else who wants to be a part of our lives.

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