Point of No Return

For the longest time now, I have been staring at my past trying to recreate something that never existed. Its really hard to let go of things you wanted so bad sometimes. I was with my ex for 7 years and was deserted and abandoned. I tried to believe people can change and be a forgiving person because that is who I am. Then I have come to realize that no matter how much you want something, sometimes its not meant to be.
I have been really looking deep to who I am recently and what I want for mine and my daughter's lives. I realized that I have spent the majority of my life trying to live up to every one's expectations. I tried to be a good daughter, sister, friend, coworker, employee, grand daughter. I have tried so hard to please everyone else I forgot how to be myself and take care of me. Its sad, but I am slowly learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
I tried so hard to be visibly pleasing to others, I had a very low self esteem. I constantly looked for attention from the opposite sex. Why? Is this something that was programmed into my mind, since I was a young girl? That I am supposed to be skinny, have long flowing hair and tan skin and no faults so that my prince charming would come and sweep me away. That is the farthest thing from reality.
I am average build, not skinny, I have short brown hair and my skin is porcelain white. I finally am OK with me. Its taken me 30 years, but I finally realize that when the person god meant for me comes along, he will think I am gorgeous, he will love my inner beauty just as much as the surface. I am confident in myself, my life, I have goals now and direction. I have the one major thing that made me, me- Writing. My thoughts and lessons learned on the page in front of me. The best form of therapy. I am so extremely lucky to have many strong women in my life who lifted me up and made me realize I am worthy.
Beauty comes from within. We are all beautiful, we are made in the image of the most beautiful being, god. I make a vow to teach my daughter that beauty is not a model on TV but how we treat each other, how we give of ourselves with out ever expecting anything in return. I go back to my grandmother's famous saying "Pretty is as Pretty does." So true! Empower each other, love each other never take a single moment for granted, we are all priceless, we all have gifts to share and ways to make the world better we just need to open up.
I learned to let go of inhibitions, be truly free. Free to be myself, no longer afraid of rejection or reticule, happy to be me and if you don't like me that is OK too.